Wednesday, May 31, 2006

So I just saw United 93. I was a little fearful of the feelings it might elicit, but I actually didn't have a breakdown like I thought I might. Ever since 9/11, I've shied away from anything too emotional that would make me angry. Had the movie Pearl Harbor come out after 9/11, I probably wouldn't have seen it. It's silly I know, but that day, the whole week following it actually, put me off to so many things, sad movies and crocheting, for example. Like most Americans, I was glued to the television for a week following 9/11, crocheting an afghan while crying the whole time. Even at work, I don't know where we got it from, but we pulled in a small tv into the crib (it's the room behind the nurses station), waiting and hoping the search and rescue teams would pull out survivors. Unfortunately, there weren't many.

I think this is actually the first time I've written about this day, and it's been over 4 years. I don't even think I wrote about it in my journal, in fact, I think I've written in my journal about once a year since then. Maybe it put me off to writing in my journal as well. I guess the magnitude of that horror made my petty problems and concerns so miniscule, I just felt silly writing about them when the world was seemingly coming down around us. If it weren't for this blog, my silly little corner of the internet, I wouldn't be writing much at all.

My cousins in Mexico don't seem to understand the fear we Americans have now, just how much we've changed. They think because I'm brown and speak Spanish and yes, I call myself Mexican, the terrorists weren't after me. The fact of the matter is that I am an American citizen, and quite thankful for it in fact. I always thought of my ethnicity and nationality as two separate concepts, and even though I've always been a little too patriotic for what most people think I should be, I guess I never realized just how American I am. I'm not just talking about the material things. In fact, in that regard I'm not that after the American Dream. It's the old-fashioned stuff, life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Each and every one of those things is why my mother came to this country, why she worked her ass off. She knew what it was like to have her life determined for her on the day of her birth. The color of her skin, her genitalia, which part of the state she was from, all these things she had no control over determined who she would be had she stayed in Mexico. But I digress...the point is that I am Mexican but I'm also an American.

My sister worked at the World Trade Center in LA for 14 years, and now works in the 2nd tallest skyscraper in downtown. Had the WTC in LA been a target on 9/11, my sister might very well be dead. If what happened in New York and Washington hadn't made me angry, just the thought of what might have happened here in LA just gives me chills. It really could have happened to any of us. It DID really happen to all of us in a way.

Anyway, like I said, no breakdown here. I just wanted to get my thoughts out. And before you go on to Fugly or Pink is the new blog, let's all just say a prayer that everyone on this planet can just stop trying to kill everyone else, no matter how justified we all think we are.

6 comments:

Jojo* said...

well said YeZ. I too have seen the movie. I was a little hesitant at first - but i'm relieved that I did. I have very fresh memories of that day still. It was my very first month "online" (working as a flight attendant). I was actually flying that day. Long story short...I was stranded for two days out in Michigan with my crew, while my family and friends all worry about us. I should really write something out in my blog. It was pretty interesting what happened to our crew and flight.
I am just trying to find the courage to write down those things - and the sad memory that comes with it. I will someday soon.
I'm glad that you saw it. I am too. Prayers have been said...the people who died on that day will forever be in my mind and heart.

Joanne*

yezenia said...

Wow Jojo, I never knew that about you. Watching it must have been especially difficult for you. Hugs...

Crystle said...

Wow, when I saw the previews I just lost I could not control myself. Every feeling I had that day and the weeks after was alive again. I'm not sure if I can see the movie. We'll see.

Juls said...

I haven't seen the movie but seeing movies is relative when you have a 3 year old. It's one of those turning point moment in our lives that we'll always remember. It's "our" Pearl Harbor or JFK Assassination. You'll always know where you were when you found out. I remember handling all the emotions pretty well until about 2AM 3 days later. DH was about to get on a plane for a job with me flying 3 days later. He was on one of the first flights out of LA. Yes, I figured the bad guys had pretty much shot their wad but it was all still too unbelievable to comprehend and just "get on the plane".

Personally, I've never felt overly patriotic, and I don't know why. But I'm proud of you and others who do. It's a very admirable quality.

Unknown said...

Just saw the preview for the movie the other day and thought that that must have been a hard movie to make. Even though I'm a Kiwi that day is stuck in my mind one of those moments were you remember exactly where you were when you heard.
Hope you don't mind me making a comment just blog hoping.

cruzzer68 said...

I saw the previews for the movie, and they made me cry. I think your thoughts and concerns on this post awesome. I'll never forget that day either & I too am so greatful to be an American. Thank you PapaGrande for coming to the United States!!